Can you see it?

I bought a suitcase full of makeup ("Fashion Boutique!") at Costco for Hope which will be the big gift from Santa this year. The girl loves her some lipgloss, okay? So I needed to hide the loot in the garage until the big day. Mr. Bickerson put it up way high on a shelf where she would never notice it.

This morning we're all buckled up in the van and ready to go.

What's that pink thing, Mommy?





Um, that's nothing, pumpkin. Just some tools your cousin Anson forgot to take home, I think.

(You heard me right. Your 23 year-old boy cousin keeps his tools in a stripey pink suitcase.)

People, do you see how screwed I am when it comes to thinking fast to keep up with my kids? (I had to ask Mr. Bickerson if that was the correct phrase: thinking on your feet. And he rolled his eyes and said, Yeah. And then I said, Wow. What is that? That was a meta-..., a meta-somthing. And he said, Yeah. That was a meta-somethin', alright.)

Wroom full of wrestlers

Perhaps we can scratch compulsive gambler off our list of worries?

We were having a discussion at the dinner table tonight about what went on in school and work when Hank announced that a friend brought a Sparky the Fire Safety Dog to school for sharing time. Hank said that his friend "ordered it" at one of the summer's fire station open houses and Hank wanted to order one for himself next year. Gary explained that his friend didn't order the Sparky Dog but that he won it; that all the kids and parents put their names on pieces of paper, put them in a big bucket, and the firemen picked out a few names to win the Sparky Dogs.

Hank sat at the table a long time thinking about it and then, with kind of a smug look on his face and the same tone in his voice said, "Well, that's not winnin'; that's just GETTIN'!"

Word of the week

From my three year-old:
Misbespakeded (miss-bee-spayk-ted)
A combination of misbehave, mistaken, and misspoke.

Rollerdisco boogie time

Image062.jpg
Originally uploaded by Mrs. Bickerson.

What did you do tonight?

What did you do tonight?
Originally uploaded by Mrs. Bickerson.

Unfortunate television news show banter

I taped the parade for the kids because we were on the road during the broadcast. We're just now watching a little bit of it and I saw a guy with a puppet and the puppet was asking kids in the crowd if the balloons would hurt him. He said, "I'm really, really scared of the balloons. They won't hurt me, will they?" And all the little kids shook their heads and said, "No. no, no..."

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade"
Originally uploaded by davebl19.

This is so scary. Look at their eyes! They knew what was just about to happen!

Worst Thanksgiving ever

What? No pizza?

Thankfully there was cake. And an awesome cake at that. Happy Birthday Annalisa and Ilene! Behold the Princess Castle Birthday Cake:



Peek-a-boo!

That's what I was thinking

Tom Cruise and the Sonogram

"Yeah, uh, Kate, you're gonna have to zip it during labor and delivery. We can't have any of your screaming messing up our kid's psyche, but I'm gonna go ahead and blast away with the sonogram every 15 minutes. Got it?"

Random food bits

Mr. Bickerson bought a suitcase full of whitecastles to make his favorite turkey stuffing to take to Aunt Nancy's house tomorrow. It's kind of good! The traditional turkey dinner will be nice, but what I'm really looking forward to is the pizza supper with Thanksgiving pizzas from their super-cool (but hot) pizza oven.

On the subject of Whitecastle, did you know that it sells chicken nuggets in the shape of mini-donuts? You can buy chicken in the shape of dinosaurs; I don't know why I was semi-surprised to see the donut shape.

I Tivo'd the food show Everyday Italian yesterday and I'm watching it now while I finish up my 75th scarf for Christmas. (Just kidding. There aren't 75 but it seems like it sometimes.) I think there is more close-up cleavage camera action on this cooking show than most.

Rules, schmules

Every day I repeat the rules for 11 hours. If I've had enough sleep and/or enough coffee this is what I say:

Hands are not for hitting.
Pillows are for sleeping and resting.
Feet are on the floor, not the furniture.

If I'm lacking sleep or coffee this is what I say:

GET YOUR FEET OFF THE BED!
STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER/SISTER/DOG!
IF YOU THROW THAT IN THE HOUSE ONE MORE TIME SANTA WILL BRING YOU NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF!
I AM LOCKING MYSELF IN THE BATHROOM WITH THE RADIO AND A POT OF COFFEE. I AM NOT COMING OUT UNLESS SOMEONE IS BLEEDING SO GOOD LUCK!

And then Mr. Bickerson comes home and tosses all of my excellent parenting skills' influence out the window:

Bad behavior

Wake up

I've named all the kids I know who have wake up times after seven but it does no good. My kids are set on getting up every morning by 5:30.

CURSES!

They do know, however, that I don't speak until at least one and one-half cups of coffee are impacting my central nervous system.

Iron Chef Sweetfish Battle

Something you'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever hear me say:

But the bitterness of the innards -- hidden in the chocolate -- it comes out afterwards. This is VERY good.

This is me

You Are Chinese Food

Exotic yet ordinary. People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Thanks to the link found on Joolie. (Check out the knit yoda hat.)

Superhero girl apprentice

It's like a scene out of an Austin Powers movie. Hope is standing guard at the window making shooting sounds and holding several of her chapsticks in her hot little hand.

What are you doing, Hope?

I'M SHOOTING SOME BAD GUYS WITH MY LIPSTICKS!

My official Thanksgiving virus

Every year. Every year it's the same old head full of jello, and coughing and sneezing a few days before Thanksgiving. I'm pretty sure it's not the bird flu but I am going to try having a helping of sauerkraut for breakfast. Maybe I can come up with some kind of reuben omelet.

Sauerkraut and the flu

Demographics

This is a sample of the Jethro Tull crowd:



It's official. We are OLD. But that's not to say we weren't able to rock the house tonight. Because WE, THE OLD PEOPLE, ROCKED THE HOUSE. In a retro-progressive rock/alternative Celtic folk kind of way. Security at the State Theater came to our section at least six times during the show: to toss out drunken people who were sitting in the wrong seat; to tell 55 year-old rockers to sit down; and to remove one dancing, crazy, smack-talking grandma.

"Security" at the State Theater, by the way, appears to have a median age of 73.

Ian Anderson, lead singer of Jethro Tull (and wannabe RiverDancer) put on an awesome show. He was funny and self-deprecating about being an aging rocker. He had a great attitude. But best of all, he included in the show a very young, very talented, and very beautiful violinist who ripped the roof off the building during a rendition of Led Zeppelin's Kashmere. She was dressed like a bridesmaid in a frilly pink dress but she wailed on the violin like some kind of rock incarnation of Satan. It was outstanding. I think her bow almost caught on fire.

Down dog

If the three year-old starts the day with a couple of yoga positions do you think there might be fewer temper tantrums?

My new motto

I want this for Christmas.

Flaming newspaper balloons

How to:

1. First you need still air. Too much of a breeze will not allow your flaming balloon to rise properly.
2. Create campfire.
3. Take one sheet of newspaper, open fully, then bring the four corners together and twist them so that they hold together.
4. Twisted corners down, gently place your newspaper "balloon" on top of the campfire and let go.

If conditions are right your balloon will catch fire and slowly rise.

Kind of like this.

8 ° F

You know you are an optimistic, innocent, fun-loving, energetic child when you put on your snow gear to go play outside in at 7:05 on a Thursday morning. May your day be so joyful!

Oh snap!

Where do they learn these things?

Hank and Hope have both been using the phrase, "Oh snap!" (As in, "Hope, you peed in your pants today!" Hope: "Oh snap!") I don't know where they learned it.

More fun with language:

Hope (wondering when the architect, whom we consulted today about a remodeling project, would return): "Mom, when is that heart attack guy coming back?"

So many funny kid sayings; so little time...

Christmas traditions

Some people have a way with words. Others...not have way. -Steve Martin

Lileks wrote:

At least I can make Christmas as I choose; at least it’s not freighted down with so many conflicting emotions. I’m not going home to the same place to sit in the same chair with the tree in the same spot, all the years piled up in the room, invisible, leaning forward as if they have something to say, or something they expect to hear. As much as I regretted my father selling the ancestral home, I’m glad he did.

Gender issues

Great story right here.

I don't know about Hope. She's been carrying around a digital oven thermometer for the purpose of shooting jedi warriors and miscellaneous ninjas. She might be impressed by a guy with a watch instruction booklet. On the other hand, she might not be impressed with guys -- period.

My name's not Heloise, okay?

Easy Off works great on this:



Easy Off works a little too great on this:



Suggestions?

Iowa

Burge Hall. Buuuuuuurge. I lived in Stanley, then Mayflower, then off campus housing. Buuuurge Hall was on everyone's list of Dorms in Which Not to Live.

But it's not for sale

My blog is worth $10,161.72.
How much is your blog worth?

The smartest mom in the whole, entire world

Mom, maybe you right. Maybe I take them off while I eat my oatmeal.

This statement came ten minutes after a 5:20 a.m. discussion about why I thought it was not a good idea to eat her oatmeal while wearing her new mittens. Will this tiny victory see me through the day?

STAY TUNED!

Meanest mom in the whole, entire world

It's too much to expect one full afternoon of happy mother/child quality time. Spidey and I had a great afternoon while sister was off on a playdate. We went to the fancy grocery store together. We went out for coffee and hot chocolate. We scoured Target for surplus mittens and gloves. We had an impromptu lightsaber duel in the toy aisle. We left Target without buying a single toy and there were no tears!

It was just too much good behavior for one day and he called me "stupid" on the way home for not letting him play at his friend's house when we picked up the sister.

I sent him to his room and told him he could come out after he had written a note of apology. I would be accomodating. I would go so far as telling him how to spell "sorry" or I would write the note myself and he could copy it. Another alternative was that he could draw a picture for me, showing he was sorry.

He chose the latter and came out of his room with this.

Please note that is Spidey on the left, arms folded in defiance, eyes looking away. And that's me on the right. I would say that's a pretty good interpretation of my face. He's got my evil glare down pat.

See, this is what I'm talking about!

God help me.

Gary and I are trying to watch Three Wishes (the sappiest show on TV) with my mother.

My mom: I can't hear it, can't you turn that damn TV up? You people. There's NO light in this house, NO volume on the TV. HOW IN THE SAM HILL DO YOU LIVE IN MINNESOTA?? AND IT'S COOOOLLLLDD IN HERE!! DON'T YOU PEOPLE PAY YOUR HEATING BILL??

Gary (trying to be accommodating): Here, Judy, I will turn up the volume for ya.

(Our ears are bleeding now.)

Mom: Well that's not enough I can't hear it.

Me: Well, Mom, maybe you should think about seeing an audiologist. You know they have one at Costco.

Mom: ARE YOU GONNA LOAN ME $2000.00? YOU KNOW IT COSTS $2000.00 AN EAR!

Then Hope runs up from the basement and says, "Grandma! Aren't you gonna read me and Hank a story?" And Gary and I picture ourselves 30 years from now yelling at Hank and Hope to turn up the TV and turn up the heat because we can't hear it and we're too cold.

Grandma Ju Ju, we love you.

Candy is dandy

But I'm really enjoying my wine tonight.

Look at this. I love it all and I could eat candy every day (especially Kit Kat bars). May I ask where was the Lik-M-Aid? I have to say that Lik-M-Aid is my very, very favorite and I didn't (excuse me, I mean the kids didn't) get any on Monday.

When I was a kid in Chariton, Iowa, we walked about one mile to school every day. Van Allen Elementary School. There was a tiny (and I mean tiny) grocery store along the way called Joe's. We kids would stop in at Joe's either on our way to school, or on our way home, and make some candy purchases. There was the most glorious candy counter behind that cash register and Joe would let all the kids get back there so we could load up a bag full of candy before (and/or after) school. Sometimes we had the cash to pay; sometimes not. On those occasions when we were low on cash Joe would let us charge the $1.25 worth of candy. We would say, weirdly authoritatively, "Charge it, Joe!" I can't remember who I heard say that the first time but I have a distinct memory in my head of someone saying it and then my realization that I could say that, too, and be on my way. So I said, "Charge it, Joe!" And we arrived at school with our small, brown paper bags of candy from Joe's, and put them in our desks and dreamt all day long, (when we were supposed to be practicing our cursive writing and multiplication tables), about the sweet treats we would enjoy on the way home. Such treasures!

Joe Ruddell, where are you today? Do stores like yours still exist? I have accepted that the world has changed a little bit since I was in the fourth grade. I know that my 10 year-old will not have the opportunity to "charge" a bag of candy at a small-town grocery store on the way to school. But I'm really glad that I did.

(Look in the upper left hand corner of the picture linked above. "Sour Mini-Burger?" I think NOT.)

What a way to start the weekend

Overheard in the living room at 5:40 a.m.

Hope, playing Simon Says with Peggy:

"Simon saaaays.....HANDS ON YOUR WEINER!"

Wasn't October fire safety month?

Someone needs to focus on the apparent candle obsession going on at J. Jill. Who doesn't love a beautiful, scented candle or two? But these people are out of control:



Let's hope there are no toddlers, babies, dogs or cats in the vicinity.



The cream colored shelves look nice now but she's going to be cleaning soot out of there in the near future.



Again, I hope there are no cats or kids nearby.



Is that a stool or a bench behind her? Basic candle safety rules state that you should never put one on a chair.

Another peacock

By Hank.

Binge purge

According to my newphew, Anson, his mother's solution to a child's constant begging for candy is to let him go right ahead and eat all the loot in one sitting. Anson told us that this is what his brother did about 12 years ago. His brother was so sick that his parents had to put him in the bathtub until all the candy exited his body through one route or another.

It might not be a bad idea but I'm pretty sure they had hardwood floors. We have carpet and I don't think I would be able to keep my wild monster in the bathtub. But it is supposed to be a nice day today and I might be able to lock them outside on the deck. Hmm.