Toad habitat

I love catching toads in the yard. Even moreso, I love NOT finding toads in the laundry room!

We caught (I caught) two toads today. One boy and one girl. (Don't ask!) Do you think this toad is terrified of the miniature owl? Rest assured we took the owl out of the habitat after only a few terrifying minutes.

How do you know you are a beloved preschool teacher? When one of your preschool students names a toad after you. The girl toad? Anna. The boy toad? Miss Ann.

Pandora's box has been opened

I've had more than my fair share of iced coffee treats at Starbucks but until this afternoon I had successfully resisted the frappuccino temptations. I have enough of an addiction to the iced lattes; I did not need to know what I was missing by passing up the frappuccinos all these years. But today we treated the whole family: Strawberry and Cream for the kids, a mocha for Mr. B. (which was a huge shocker to me and more evidence of his mid-life crisis because he refuses to order anything except a plain coffee at any coffee shop) and a Banana Coconut Frappuccino for myself, which I NEVER, EVER would have EVER ordered had they not passed out samples of it last week. Banana+coconut+coffee just didn't sound good to me. But WHOA NELLY is it tasty! And it was extra tasty given that the temperature was 175º outside today.

We have A/C!

Our babysitter's dad knows stuff about heating and air conditioning which comes in SO handy on a >90º Memorial Day weekend when one's central air decides to stop working.

THANK YOU, BILL! Mr. Bickerson and I were inches away from divorce court last night.

Last day of preschool

Here are some preschoolers doing that preschool thing that they do:

I want to bottle the preschool attitude of I don't care what people think of me and if I want to stand here and pretend to catch raindrops on my tongue indoors while someone takes my picture or wear a bright orange DOT safety vest over my tulle-skirted pink party dress then that's what I'm going to do. I'm living in the NOW, baby. Get used to it.

I would take two teaspoons of it every morning.

Reminds me of one of my favorite songs

My Mind's Got a Mind of its Own, by Jimmie Dale Gilmore.

Lileks:

I spent a week as a TV newscaster, believe it or not. And as anyone who’s ever faced the red light and the great blank glass eye can tell you, sometimes your mind is elsewhere – and, to your horror, appears to be doing perfectly fine on its own, right up until the moment it does this.

American Idol

What a potpourri of entertainment tonight! Prince! David Hasselhoff? Clay Aiken! Ben Stiller? Burt Bacharach! Meatloaf!

I want to see Meatloaf and Pavarotti sing a duet while waving their contrasting colored hankies in opposite hands. Don't you?

Mini me

Am I wearing a pleated skirt? Why was I so bald? Where is the other red shoe?

So many unanswered questions...

Sitemeter

I love how it shows how some people find your blog. Today someone googled "drink up shriners" and found me. Ha. Also, if you google my Ob-Gyn's last name with the "Dr." prefix my site is first on the list. I wonder how she feels about that.

24

WHAT??

I cannot believe they ended the season the way they did. Jack already had had a REALLY bad day. Would it have been a crime to let him have some beer and chips before the Chinese guys beat the crap out of him? And now we're supposed to wait until next January to see how he gets out of this new jam?

And just what is the actual protocol when the President of the United States commits murder and treason and has to be arrested while delivering a eulogy. Is this situation outlined in the constitution? I dunno. I do know I am exhausted!

Bridal shower

Most unusual comment overheard at bridal shower yesterday that wouldn't have sounded so out of place 10 years ago in Iowa:
Well, you know Jay used to inseminate our cows.

Second most unusual comment overheard at bridal shower:
Has anyone else in the room had bunion surgery?

Saturday in the park

I stole a dead Christmas tree

I stole a dead Christmas tree on a walk with Peggy a couple of weeks ago. It was crispy, dry, brown, and ready to be torched.

Ready...

Set...

BURN, BABY, BURN!

I bet the kids would eat it

I'm thinking about serving up this snack at the next backyard bbq:

Soft Shelled Cicadas

I may be disinvited

Last night I remembered that I had forgotten to RSVP to an invitation for a bridal shower. I picked up the phone, dialed and started leaving a voice message. Guess who else was in the room with me and guess who must have had an out-of-body experience (there's no other explanation), imagining himself in the boundary waters all alone, with no one in the immediate vicinity to hear his incredibly loud passing of gas. To his credit he was horrified (and he almost laughed himself to death) after he realized he did what he did. But he refused to call her back and leave a message apologizing and explaining that it was he and not his wife who did that while she was on the phone RSVP-ing for a BRIDAL SHOWER!

Gareth Gates

I had never heard of him until someone played his song at the Y. His cover of Spirit in the Sky is the current bicep song in the BodyPump class.

Golden Valley Idol

I had convinced myself I would not get in but I GOT IN!! I hope they don't make us wear uncomfortable footwear though, because that's not gonna work with my bunion issue.

Bunion from hell

My mother and mother-in-law warned me that one day the Johnson/Weeks Bunion Curse would make itself known to me. My flat feet have served me well for 41 years but now the curse that had lain dormant is ALIVE. This morning it was all inflamed and hurty after icing it last night. I made an appointment with a podiatrist so he can prepare me for the foot transplant I'm sure I'll have to have.

What's interesting to me is that I seem to be following the same illness/injury path as my husband's college roommate, Mark. He had encephalitis and meningitis; I had encephalitis/meningitis. He had gout in his gnarly toe joint; I may have gout in my gnarly toe. I'm left to wonder when and where I will be breaking my back in a bar fight. 'Cause it's bound to happen.

Clarification

This is the first time I have been asked by not one but two regular blog readers to clarify a post. The numbers below in Sunday's entry refer to years of age and, that no matter the age, your average siblings are going to fight about ridiculously stupid stuff.

I know there are more of you out there who have been confused by what I post here and I thank you for just going along with it. What you all need to know is that I took an online IQ test last Friday and I am very smart. Any inaccuracies are due to the fact that I'm usually three-sheets-to-the-wind when I write on this blog.

Happy Mother's Day!

Three, six, 14, 24, 41. Looks like this is just how it is. Good luck to all the mothers out there.

Mother's Day

Did you know the world is a rainbow?

Do you also know that there is not nearly enough Kleenex and toilet paper in the school building to dry the tears of all the mothers and fathers who watched their little peanuts sing their hearts out today? Let's hear it for waterproof mascara!

Hope sings Prince Charming

There's been a lot of singing going on in the house these days in anticipation of big brother's kindergarten concert. Hope's favorite song from Cinderella. For all of you:



One minute ago I saw you
I looked up when you came through that door
My head started reeling --
You gave me the feeling --
The room had no ceiling or floor!

I've died and gone to Heaven

Curry
Coconut
Milk chocolate
Awesome!


What did I do to deserve a portion of this delicious candy? I made it through another day without duct-taping my children's bedroom doors shut.

She floats

Like her mother, this little girl would eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if allowed. She does not need the float belt during swim lessons. Her brother, on the other hand, after months of lessons, swims the crawl vertically in the water looking quite like a seahorse. His father likes to say that poor Hank has the Bickerson Family Curse: an utter absence of body fat. Ha ha (if you know our family).P.S. Does anybody know what's up with swim teachers and tattoos? Where we go it seems like the better the teacher the more numerous the tattoos!

Furry visitor

A little bunny paid us a visit by the campfire Saturday night.

I love how kids can be involved in one activity one minute, dressed normally in jeans and a sweatshirt, and the next thing you know there's a bunny sitting with the adults and acting as if there's nothing out of the ordinary.

Future church welcoming committee member

Hope listens to what the minister says in church and when he tells people to take the nametags out of the bulletins and write your name on them so the communion servers can know your name, you better do it. She and her brother wear their nametags so everybody else ought to, too.

She sat with our friends Shelly and Jenny this morning and, noticing that they did not have their nametags in place, suggested that they put them on. Hope very carefully wrote their names on the sticky tags: Sbelly and Jemmy. When Jenny came back from receiving communion she said the server addressed her by her new name saying, "Body of Christ given for you, Jemmy."

Be afraid

I know that race organizers think it's a great idea to have them, but would it be possible to have a kid's fun run without the dudes in costumes? We have a six year-old in this family who does not appreciate the costumed characters high-fiving kids at the end of the race.

The Trix Rabbit is in the background in this picture. Can you see it?



Hank would like it better if his dad worked for a company that had fewer mascots. Rabbit, leprechaun, honeybee, tall green man, small green boy, white doughy boy. It's like a nighmare come to life for Hank.

Yogurt

Gary's been adamant about eating a sufficient amount of yogurt every day since he started his midlife-crisis/yoga/fitness-in-general/lets-his-wife-dye-her-hair-crazy-colors phase of life. I happened upon this post about yogurt at another site and wanted to link to it because it made me laugh my pants off. I am no prude but I feel it contains an inordinate number of f-bombs. I like to save the f-bomb for special occasions. To use it over and over like this person did lessens its effect. And I certainly don't want that to happen so I'm paraphrasing it to maintain my blog's PG-13 rating. If you want to read it in the original form you can find it at www.corporate-casual.com.

"Is Yogurt Necessary?
I’m just about to eat a yogurt, a Dannon yogurt. The foil lid reads “Dannon: 7 Benefits.” I’m thinking, this is going to be interesting, because I’m kind of curious what the point of yogurt is. It’s 2006, do we still need yogurt? I’m not a scientist, I don’t know. So I was ready for a yogurt information session with my yogurt lid, but this is what I got:


1. Be Fit: Contains calcium which can help with weight management.
(Okay. I mean, other stuff has calcium, too, like milk and cheese and Centrum. But alright. Still, I’m skeptical about the “Be Fit” part. “Be Calcified” would be more appropriate. I’ve never seen someone who looked like they were in really good shape and thought “Man, their calcium levels must be off the charts!”)

2. Be Vital: Is a good source of protein for muscle maintenance.
(I’m starting to get the impression that yogurt is satisfied with the status quo. Everything is about maintaining, managing. And “vital”? If it said “Be Vital: Is a good source of interesting ideas and a sparkling personality that adds a lot to the group dynamic,” then maybe I’d be on board for this kind of grandiosity, but muscle maintenance? Eat a Balance Bar and read a darned book. Next!)

3. Be Comfortable: Has active cultures that help milk digestion.
(Dannon presumes I’m drinking a boat-load of milk. Also, who drinks some milk and then goes, “Oh man, I’m going to need a yogurt after all that milk”? The last thing I want after some milk is some goshdarn yogurt. AND ALSO: “Comfortable”? Dannon, stop goofing off. “After a long day of work, I can’t wait to get home and kick back with some yogurt.” Phooey on you.)

4. Be Strong: Has calcium, essential for strong bones.
(You get one calcium benefit, that’s it, and that was Benefit #1. You also only get one strenght benefit, and that was Benefit #2. We’ve got three benefits left to cover and Dannon is already goofing around and filling up space because THEY HAVE NO ANSWERS. And my bones can’t pick up anything. How about putting in some creatine for my biceps, yogurt?)

5. Be Nourished: Contains important nutrients for children’s growth.
(1. This would be a great thing to list on your new line of Baby Yogurt for Babies that comes in mashed carrot and apple sauce with cinnamon flavors. 2. Isn’t nutrients a little vague. Cigarettes probably have nutrients in them if we’re going to depend solely on semantics. I’d be willing to give this one to Dannon if they at least acted mildly aware that EVERYONE needs nutrients, not just children. But you ignore a major portion of the yogurt buying populace so darn you.)

6. Be Proactive: Provides friendly bacteria for your digestive tract.
(Again, I’m trying to give Dannon the benefit of the doubt, but out of all the possible definitions of proactive I can think of, eating friendly bacteria is not one of them. Staging a peaceful protest. Check. Asserting your clearly formulated and logically grounded opinions. Check. Eating a healthy diet and exercising regularly. Check. Consuming friendly bacteria. AM I IN CRAZY LAND WHERE EVERY WORD MEANS WHATEVER YOU WANT?)

7. Be Happy!: Is a great-tasting and satisfying part of your healthy diet.
(Oh man. OH MAN. You be happy! I don’t come over to the Dannon corporate office and beat the heck out of you. This is not a reasonable benefit of eating yogurt. And what if I want to eat a yogurt when I’m miserable, which is every time I eat a yogurt? WHAT IF YOU STOP WASTING MY TIME AND START BEING REAL FOOD?!)

Conclusion: yogurt is unnecessary."

ABCs (beta)

This is how it was a year and a half ago.



ABCs (beta) on Vimeo

Vlogging

Now I can vlog on my blog. When will I sleep? This is gonna be WAY too much fun.


Cousin's Hello on Vimeo

There's a reason we didn't have this stuff in the house

Little did he know that when he brought this treat home from the shop for the kids to snack on as a dessert



that his wife would end up eating three-quarters of the box in one day.

It should be called Crack Berry because I'm pretty sure there's some crack in it.

The most boring book in the world

Today I read Hank a book he brought home from the school library entitled Bowling is for Me. Here is an illustration from the book.



I learned many boring bowling terms and many uninteresting facts about bowling. The woman in the picture is the bowling coach. There are arrows on the lane that are called spots. When you choose your bowling shoes you should choose shoes that are neither too tight nor too loose. (Stop me if you already know this stuff.) The walking to the foul line, where you put your ball down to roll, is called a four-step approach. When you move the ball away from your chest to start the swing before the roll, that move is called the push-back.

As you can see, I could go on and on. And I did when I read it to my son because the damn book was about 75 pages long.

Would you like another picture from the book? I'll leave you with this. Those are the spots I was telling you about earlier.