Hey, we know that dog

Our friend George had his picture of Sami the Labradoodle chosen as Vector Illustration of the Week. Way to go, George!

Baby Brook

After the Y, Hope spent the remainder of her birthday money on a new doll at Target. The doll cried in the package on the way home and Hope said, "Oh Mom, hurry. Brook is hungry." I told her that she's going to be a great mom someday. And she said, "I know. That's why I'm practicing."

Boys' Morning in the Sky

Our friend Cal took Hank and Gary for a bumpy little flight around our neighborhood this morning. If you know me, you know how well I was prepared to handle Hank's first flight in a small plane. Although I flew countless, fun times with my dad when I was a kid, I have managed to cultivate a good, strong fear of any relative of mine being in tiny flying machines. It was way too early to take Hope out for cocktails so we went to the Y instead. I planned to drop weights on each of my feet to distract me from my anxiety but the class was full so I sat in the lounge and ate Cheetos for breakfast instead.

Early morning conversation with a wee bit of Chinese

Mom.
Yes, Hope?
I fell in love with someone at school.
You did?
Michael. He likes me because I help get people away from him when they are chasing him on the playground.
Are you going to marry him?
Bù hǎo! He's just my friend.

Back in the movie biz

Watch how Hank frames the scene prematurely with a tough guy pose. And that cow you hear mooing in the background? That's yours truly.

Do your kids beg for computer time?

My friend, Marcie, has linked to a fun and educational website for kids:

Virtual Surgery!

Hank would rather be playing some kind of Spongebob game or shooting game so this morning after he finished studying spelling I told him he could pick up poop in the backyard or perform virtual knee-replacement surgery. This is what Hank looks like when he performs virtual knee-replacement surgery. (The poop-pick-up face is the same face, by the way.)

WWJE?

Every six years or so my mom consults with me for advice on naming things. She recently asked for my advice in naming her new shitzu and I suggested Martha and Betty. She thought those were terrible names so I was surprised when she asked my advice last night with the naming of her new church dining club. I suggested Where Would Jesus Eat? Not only is that a great name, I'm certain there are probably several of those out there already. But Mom didn't like that so I came up with Chewing for Jesus or Masticating with the Messiah. And now I don't know if she'll ever speak to me again.

Games with riveting television

These little Japanese games are keeping my hands busy while I watch Ken Burns' The War that we recorded earlier tonight.

Find the star in each level.

School work

What is your name?

My name is Hope.

More Kid Nation

No matter how the show is criticized or received, however, CBS appears ready to stay with it. The network's Web site is already asking for volunteers to participate in "Kid Nation 2." Wouldn't it be great if there weren't any?

Yes. It would.

Behind the scenes on picture day

Kid Nation

Did you watch it tonight? I'm watching it now. A child is crying about wanting to go home in every other scene! As often as I daydream about sending my own two to military boarding school, I could not bear to send them away to fend for themselves for 40 days in the desert and then watch it all on television!

Multilingual

Hope: Wanna hear the song I learned in my Chinese school?

Me: Sure we do!

Welcome, WELCOME
Bienvenidos!
Welcome, welcome, welcome friends!
Welcome, WELCOME
BIENVENIDOS
Bienvenidos! Mes amigos!
Welcome, friends!

Gary: Are you telling us you had a substitute today?

I want

Notes printed on my toast

Ride Hard

Chinese school report

As I was packing up my supplies for choir practice tonight Hope took a break from her recommended daily allowance of Spongebob Squarepants to glance my way and announce that it was rude of me to take my cellphone to choir.

"It is? How will I be notified when your brother decides to ride his skateboard off the roof of the house if I don't have my phone with me? Besides, I set it to 'vibrate' so it doesn't make noise if someone calls me. Who told you this?"

"My teacher. Wang Laoshi."

I left in a hurry for choir. I guess I will have to wait until sunrise to find out if this information was delivered in Mandarin.

(Aside: Weirdly (to me) there was a lot of cellphone ringing during rehearsal tonight. We never hear any phones. Tonight there were three. WTH?)

School report

Hank was a little worried about going to school today with his smashed up face. I asked him how it went this afternoon. He said most of the kids in his class asked him what happened, all of the rest of the kids mostly just looked at him, and his teacher asked him to promise never to ride a bike again without a helmet. He said, "I told her I would think about it." Way to play it, Hank. He's such a little Gary. :-)

Karma

Et.......voila!

Speaking of crashing bikes

Gary has one of these that my dad's been storing for, oh, approximately 17 years. I've hesitated to sell but maybe now's the time.

Attention Stranded in Iowa: Gary wants you to know if you want an MP3 of "Stranded in Iowa" or any other Manfred Mann and the Earth Band song, he has approximately 12 albums' worth of tunes.

The new helmet rule

The days of the inconsistently applied helmet rule are over. The new rule: No helmet; no bike. No helmet; no skateboard. And this will be our new style of helmet:

Hank attempted to make a big jump off of a skateboard ramp on his bike with no helmet. I was at a choral workshop and Mr. Bickerson was in charge. Everybody is okay but there are some doozy bruises on the forehead, cheek, and lip. What treatment do you think Mr. B. offered? This is Exhibit A how different dads and moms can be. He offered an ice pack and some Evil Knievel on TV. And the truth is Hank is quite content with that kind of rehabilitation. I asked our resident dog whisperer/ER nurse to check him out. She said he's okay and recommends he get on his bike tomorrow for a little spin around the neighborhood.

Embarrassed to be a Hawkeye

First we taught orphans to stutter. Now Iowa is banning corn-on-the-cob eating contests? This is just the icing on the cake, if you ask me. I would like to return my diplomas and get a refund while I watch the Cyclones POUND Iowa tomorrow.

Have your pets spayed and neutered and if you ever happen to find yourself incarcerated feel free to enjoy my personal hygiene products

We smash radios on the floor and grind toothbrushes on cinder block walls to see how easily they can be made into shanks. All of our hygiene products are screened for pork and other animal products to minimize conflicts with the practice of religious beliefs. And our mattresses are regularly tested to ensure that they meet the standards of ASTM.

The Bob Barker family of products is used by some of the toughest customers in the world, and we never lose sight of that. Low prices, valued products, and quality service guaranteed.

Do you think it's the Bob Barker? The ex-convict I met on Ragbrai claimed that her jumpsuit had his name on the label.

You were right. (There, I said it.)

Mr. Bickerson and I have been getting on each other's nerves with this remodeling project. Nobody can find anything in our house except for the coffee. Thank goodness we are keeping track of that because surely someone would have filed for divorce by now without eight or nine pots of it throughout the day.

Mr. B. and I are different in a lot of ways. The primary personality difference that's bothering us now is this: I like to think about stuff, or think about thinking about stuff, or lie to myself that I am thinking about stuff. He, on the other hand, likes to do stuff. On a whim. Like change our remodeling plans mid-stream.

Behold the result of our most recent squabble:

It was his last-minute idea to throw some skylights on the ceiling in the kitchen. Where there was darkness there is now beautiful light! I really think this is going to be my favorite part of the entire kitchen. Thank you, Mr. B.!

Christmas is almost here

It's time to begin planning your Christmas TV Special Viewing Schedule. Here's new one to add to your list. QOTSA with Anthony Bourdain

Reason to run an extra mile (or 2) (or 10)

Coffee and Doughnut Cupcakes

And while you're at it, what's stopping you from washing that puppy down with one of these?

And then you drive yourself to urgent care.

Telling it like it is

...Hank: I learned that I like to do WRONG stuff but I DON'T like getting CAUGHT.

Me: (Ignoring that declaration; he's trying to pick a fight tonight.) Hope! What did YOU learn today at school?

Hope: I don't KNOW what I learned! 'Cause my teacher only TALKS CHINESE!!

Peggy emulates another dog seen on the web

The weight of this trinket is CRUSHING my SKULL!

Off to a good start

Mendelssohn

I still think it's more fun to sing in it than sit and listen. The conductor was the smiley-est, most positive choral conductor I've ever had. He had to get out the hankie a few times to wipe a tear or two.

Pavarobotti lives on

Pavarotti was a great tenor but Pavarobotti is a pretty cool singing robot who serenaded us in graduate school. I remember Dr. Titze singing a duet with him and Pavarobotti singing The Wind Beneath My Wings way better than Bette Midler ever did. Okay, I lie but his range was unbelievable. At the low end it sounded a lot like a low-pitched cracking fireplace rather than phonation. Whatever. But he did wave a hankie up and down.

Pavarotti

Nessun Dorma

And of course, It's a Man's World, with James Brown.

The Kite Runner -- the movie

Looks pretty good. I LOVED the book but I went through a month's allowance of tissue paper. Be prepared.

No more talking -- Chinese or otherwise!

(Conversation at Tucking-in Time:)

Mom. You wanna know how to say "good night" in Mandarin Chinese?

Sure. How do you say it?

"Chin chow so see ta."

That's really good, Hope.

Mom. You wanna know how to say "bed" in Chinese?

How do you say it?

You say, "Asha no tee ta."

Well that's great Hope. You really learned a lot today! Good night!

You wanna know how to say "see ya in the morning" in Mandarin Chinese?

OK. Last one. How do you say it?

"Yo cho."

OK, Hope. I learned a lot today, too. Good night. I love you. Go to sleep! NO MORE TALKING!

First for her; last for me

She was happy and ready to get on that bus this morning and even more so after I relieved her previously unspoken concern that her bus driver would only speak Mandarin to her.

He speaks English, Hope.

She sat right down in the seat behind the driver and waved bye to me. As he pulled away from the curb I saw her grasp the back of his seat with her two little hands, lean forward and start chatting with him with a big smile on her face. My tears surprised me later when I saw my friend at Hank's bus stop. It's been very quiet here today and the hammering in the kitchen sounds a little lonesome.

Back to school

He complained about it last night but this morning he looked pretty excited to get back to school. He came home feeling good about his teachers and his classmates. And lunch: bagel bag. Go get 'em, Hank!

I love biking

Hey, critical mass participants. Way to spread good vibes about cycling.

Gary and I watched a critical mass event one Friday night several years ago from the Town Hall Brewery. Several bicylists parked themselves directly in front of a city bus in the middle of an intersection and smoked some cigarettes. Everyone had to wait about 20 minutes before the police showed up to clear out the hooligans. They made an impressive statement about why those cyclists should never be allowed to drive a car, I guess.

Need help with English grammar and syntax?

Schoolhouse Rock Live

We'll be there!