No bark

Before kids there were dogs. And when there were dogs and no kids I shuddered in horror with thoughts of training collars and electric underground fences. How could someone be so cruel to use aversive conditioning to train a dog not to bark or run or dig?

Things change when you have children. Gary and I thought pretty highly of ourselves when we decided to have kids. We will be older. We will be more mature. We will be better able to deal with the trials and tribulations of child-rearing. They will fit into our lives; not vice versa. The house will not look like a Toys R Us outlet. My feet will not stick to the kitchen floor. There will never be food in the car. I will never yell at my child. I will set firm limits and abide by them with consistent consistency; I will never let my child eat chocolate chips for breakfast, for example.

AHH HAAA HAAA HAAA Ahaaaa HAAA ha ha ha...

Ha.

If I can't stop my daughter from eating chocolate chips for breakfast, by god I WILL stop this dog from barking at every f*&!'n leaf that blows in our yard! I borrowed a training collar from my next door neighbors (who used to have the world's most awesomely well-behaved labrador). I tested the lowest zap setting on my leg. Scary but not painful. I put the collar on Peggy and tested it one time to see if she would react. Reaction? A quizzical look with ears at attention. And the barking has ceased for now.

I am Master of my Domain.

Pass the chips.