I feel sorry for him. Granted, I don't know the ins and outs of scientology but it sure sounds like a brainwashing cult if you ask me. There's a scientology storefront in downtown Minneapolis and many a wine-soaked post-Thai dinner walk I have teased Mr. Bickerson about going inside and taking their "personality test." Lucky for me, Mr. Bickerson doesn't think it's funny to joke about joining cults.
I hope somebody can help Tom Cruise. I hope Katie Holmes' parents can help her get out of the trap she seems to have gotten herself into. If there is, in fact, a baby, I hope somebody can help. It all sounds like a rotten, weird mess.
UPDATE: I just went ahead and took the online personality test. Here it is if you want to amuse yourself. 200 questions. I answered the first 150 to the best of my ability and then I was like SCREW THIS and randomly answered the rest of the questions to make a pleasing zig-zag pattern. You should read the questions. They are weirdly worded. The results page indicates that scientology can help make my life better.