It's always safe to assume the worst when you see someone holding a blow dryer to a laptop keyboard. Mr. Bickerson had oopsy-daisied just a titch of Miller Light onto the keyboard Saturday night. (That's how we roll on Saturdays, yo.) Turns out that Mac laptops don't drink. So we let it dry out Saturday over night and made a Genuis™ appointment for the next day. By Sunday some of the keys were already functioning so Mr. B. knew it wasn't a death sentence. He really just needed a spare Mac keyboard to plug in and see if that was the extent of the problem.
Long story short: The computer is okay even if it does smell a little like fraternity 12 hours after a home game. Our Genuis™, however, has put us on The Official List of Apple Customers Who Shall be Shunned Henceforth.