Friday, May 24, 2013

It's a Laugh Riot Friday

Do you have a favorite joke? Here are two of mine.

A Pig Like That

A salesman is lost in a rural area and stops at a farm to get directions. As he is talking to the farmer he notices a pig with a wooden leg.

"How did the pig get a wooden leg?" he asks the farmer.

"Well," says the farmer, "that is a very special pig. One night not too long ago we had a fire start in the barn. Well, sir, that pig set up a great squealing that woke everyone, and by the time we got there he had herded all the other animals out of the barn and saved everyone of them."

"And that was when he hurt his leg?" asked the salesman

"Oh no," says the farmer. "He was fine after that. Though a while later I was in the woods out back and a bear attacked me. Well, sir, that pig was nearby and he came running and set on that bear and chased him off. Saved me for sure.

"So the bear injured his leg then," says the salesman

"Oh no. He came away without a scratch from that. Though a few days later my tractor turned over in a ditch and I was knocked unconscious. Well, that pig dove into the ditch and pulled me out before I drowned.

"So he hurt his leg then?" asks the salesman

"Oh no," says the farmer

"So how did he get the wooden leg?" the salesman asks

"Well," the farmer tells him, "When you have a pig like that, you don't want to eat him all at once."

CIA Recruitment Test

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.

The first man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.

The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said:

“You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

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