That wasn't styling gel, Hope

See styling gel washes out with one shampoo. Goop does not. When you put Goop in your hair because (you say -- and I don't believe) your friend told you to do it, you have to come home and soak your head in the sink for about 20 minutes and let your mom scrub. And even though you've told me repeatedly in the past that you want to go to the barber shop with Dad and Hank and get a buzz cut like your brother so you don't ever have to have me comb your hair and you'd rather do that today anyway instead of soaking your head, I have to say no. You can have a buzz cut when you're in high school. In the meantime you're going to keep your soon-to-be Goop-free shoulder-length hair. We'll sing some songs and tell some knock-knock jokes to pass the time while you soak but I hope it will still imprint an unpleasant memory, enough so that you'll think twice the next time you're looking at a pile of Goop on the table at school and imagine how cool it would feel to put that in your hair. Love, Mom